Chris Cummins
Staff Writer

The inevitable stretch of age finds those of whom it lays claim countering the withering effects of age in different ways. Exercise, profligacy, and the occasional style change, all are familiar tools of those odd souls that haunt the mall with flocks of teenagers, and in time, this period of confusion is resolved through, ironically enough, more time. Acceptance, and the occasional credit-destroying purchase, resolves this chronological knot and eventually those old souls move on. However, unlike the rest of his contemporaries, time has no hold on the man in the silk pajamas, Mr. Hugh Hefner. Through over five decades of solidifying his legacy, building an empire, and creating an unlivable fantasy for American manhood, Hugh Hefner’s arm has been held by dozens upon dozens of beautiful women, with each year, each month, seemingly finding a new occupant on the fabled arm. This week, however, at least for a while, Mr.Hefner’s arm will be permanently taken, by a (former) Playmate, Crystal Harris. Proposed to on Christmas Day, the 24 old model will be the third wife Mr.Hefner’s has taken. The engagement has drawn both gasps and cheers, due mainly to the 59-year-old difference between the two of them. It’s as if a dinosaur, albeit a billionaire with a media empire and an aura of legend about him, decided to marry some other, much younger and aesthetically pleasing dinosaur whose name escapes me. It is, to be blunt, just wrong, as the kids say these days, and no matter how much money or fame Mr.Hefner has, it won’t erase the equivalent of a chapter’s worth of AP US History that Hugh has on Mrs.Smith.
For more information on the wedding, go to: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/27/arts/27arts-HEFNERISENGA_BRF.html