I hate saying goodbye.

As a little girl, my mom would take my brother and I to San Antonio to spend time with my cousins. Those one week vacations every winter and summer break was something I looked forward to months in advance. I was close to people I loved, and they were right next to me when I woke up.

But they always came to an end. As our car pulled away from my aunt’s home, I would cry the entire five hours back to my apartment in Fort Worth, my mom trying her best to rub soothing circles on my back.

Even now, I love being surrounded by people. I love when my house is full with my family, conversation booming through my bedroom even though the door is closed. I love when my cousins make themselves at home in my room, their belongings mingling with mine. I love when I’m surrounded by my friends at lunch, laughing loudly when we say something dumb.

When everyone leaves, I feel empty. A heaviness settles in my chest, and it takes days to go away.

I can feel that heaviness starting to settle now.

As my time at high school comes to an end, I am having a hard time grasping that I need to leave behind an environment which has become familiar to me for three years with people I grew to love.

Every other day last year, I would come to D115 with one deadline or another to work on. This year, I came everyday.

Whether it was making myself at home in my little corner by the sticky notes to be near CHS9 editor Hannah Vipin, or pulling my chair up to staff writer Neev Chickermane’s desk to settle my legs under his chair, I felt content.

Sidekick has taught me so much. How to chase stories, how to represent people whose voices may not be heard and how to work under tight deadlines because in adviser Chase Wofford’s words, “you’re not finished, you’re published.”

But it has also given me a place I feel comfortable in, an adviser who believes in me and people I call my friends.

Most importantly, it made me confident to tackle the uncertainties of life.

Journalism comes with many uncertainties. Sources don’t respond, coverage runs late and you have a looming deadline but also a test to study for. How you handle it is what matters. Chase another source, pay attention to the coverage (afterall, it concerns our city) and work on the deadline, but don’t forget you have a life separate from journalism.

Leaving is going to be so hard for me, but as I look forward to what lies ahead of me in college, the hopes and dreams I thought were so far away are finally within grasp. Because of my time here I realized one thing: goodbye doesn’t always mean I’ll never see you again. Sometimes it means look forward to what’s ahead.

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