Love and loss are two sides of the same coin, keeping grief one of humanity’s most constant companions. It is always difficult, but without even a fully functioning cerebral cortex? Grief as a child is confusing. All-consuming. Completely understandable and yet ridiculous in its nature.

You cannot control what you feel, especially not when it comes to grief. Everyone processes emotions differently, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way. Nobody is in the wrong for grieving the way they need to, and even experts emphasize the importance of accepting and moving forward.

“Just because you are overwhelmingly sad or feeling whatever may come out does not mean something’s wrong or you have a mental health issue,” Coppell High School lead counsellor Ann Cinelli said. “It just means that you are processing something normal and your body’s gonna get through it somehow.”

If one step in front of another is all you can handle, that is more than enough. The first step is always the hardest. If even that is too much, then take different kinds of steps.

Do things that help you feel less anxious or less stressed. Draw, color, paint, watch movies, listen to music, or simply go outside and take deep breaths. If these things help, even just a little, take that as a win. Remember that nothing you are feeling has to be constant or linear.

“It can hit you in waves,” Cinelli said. “You might be feeling no grief, and then suddenly somebody’s wearing a shirt your grandfather used to wear and just waterworks.”

Suddenness can add to the tension, magnifying what might seem small and insignificant. Being prepared to acknowledge those emotions is what is really important in these moments.

For teenagers, perhaps more than other age groups, grief affects every part of the mind and body, but also changes social considerations. Whereas total disconnection from peers can indicate a necessity for professional help, fluctuating or heightened sensitivity in social situations are the mark of a grieving teen trying to manage complex relationships.

As a consequence, teens also feel perceived differences in grievances more acutely than their older counterparts. Losing a pet can feel heartbreaking, but aversion to being told to “be strong” can leave kids hiding their emotions or withdrawing into themselves.

“That is where your support system comes in,” Cinelli said. “My friends are my friends because they support me. People who are going to minimize your feelings are not going to be those supportive people to help you through it.”

Beyond this support system and identifying the people who actually care, realizing when it is time to talk to someone is especially valuable for teenagers. A few days in bed overwhelmed with sadness can be normal, but too many probably means an adult needs to be told.

There is no shame in asking for help. When grief begins to affect your schoolwork, activities, and things you enjoy, recognizing the need for professional support is essential.

“It’s better now, but it used to be a little more taboo,” Cinelli said. “So when it is impacting your daily life for more than a week or month, that’s when you can and should get help.”

At a time in life when every emotion is amplified, grief certainly can feel overwhelming, but all hope is not lost. It is perfectly possible to get your love of life back, and still feel the effects of loss. Understanding the signs of grief in teenagers and the steps to process it are important because that is what keeps us going.

Everyone goes through grief and loss. Everyone has to hurt sometimes. You are not alone and it is not abnormal. Even when things feel the worst, and you want to give up, even when you want to ask “why?” and just cry and cry, even when it feels hopeless and you’re just a teenager, know that it will get better.

Stick to your support system and put one foot in front of another as much as you can. Keep tabs on yourself and reach out to others. Things will ebb and flow and that’s alright. You are just a kid, it’s perfectly normal. Just try not to let grief make others lose you too.

This story was compiled by Staff Writer Prathi Tamara Sathish Kumar.

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