I feel the scrape of the paint as I hit the car turning into the parking space.

It’s minor damage, but I can’t stop replaying it. I immediately reverse, gripping the wheel, hyperventilating. Over and over and over… I replay it again… and again… 

I feel the bile crawl up my throat. I push it down. The next day, I take up a news story. And a graphic. And coverage.

****

“You’re working so hard.”

My hands shake as I crank out another story and chug a Monster Energy.

Shove it down, assignment. 

“Lizzie, you’re going to burn yourself out,”

I keep arguing with my parents. They wish I’d care more about myself. 

Two features, one news story. 

One afternoon, The Sidekick adviser Chase Wofford tells me that I’m taking on too much,  “‘No,’ Lizzie said.” He writes in my reporter’s notebook. He says I should say it more to the people around me. I tell him I’ll do better, set boundaries because I know it’s the right thing to do, but I just want more.

Being told I was doing too much felt like praise. 

I spent many nights frozen in my bed, calculating every night how many hours of sleep I could miss and still function in the morning. Sleep had become a chore. Showering had become a chore.

There was always more work I could do. 

Being looked up to in the newsroom made me feel important, but it didn’t change my gripes with myself.

And while I ended junior year with some awards, the effort didn’t fix what I thought it could.

At the awards ceremony I’m holding plaques. One reads “Most Dedicated Staff Member,” but I still don’t like the girl holding them.

****

I’m hesitant when I realize that on my editor responsibilities list for the 2025–26 school year is to post a weekly social media series asking random students their opinions on topics. I don’t know what editing is going to look like, I don’t know if people will even want to be interviewed at eight in the morning, but one day I just go for it.

“3,2,1…”

“Hey y’all, welcome to the first episode of Asking CHS. I’m your executive features editor Lizzie De Santiago.”

It started off a bit rocky, but interviewing came naturally and as the weeks went on, I got better and better. I felt myself growing into a more confident person, consistently doing man-on-the-street style interviews really forcing me out of my comfort zone.

Now, every Wednesday I camp out the main hallway, hunting for my next interviewee. When I find someone, we have a nice small talk chat before I ask the question: “football or soccer? Hoco or Noco?”

I’ve learned that through interviewing, even if it’s a dumb question asking what superpower a source would rather have, I learn a little bit about myself too. 

Asking CHS gave me my love for humanity back. Seeing the world through my peers’ eyes, taking a quick moment to chat with them about what they’re excited for in the coming week, how their morning was, I realize that all along I have been feeling disconnected.

The void I was feeling, I filled with human connection.

“I’ve seen you on Instagram.”

“I want to be interviewed!”

Lighthearted weekly interviews were a break from the difficult moments of senior year. Feeling alone after my best friends graduated early, failing to advance to UIL Academics regionals for journalism, not getting into my top school. These hurt. But every week I could rely on my phone, my mic pack and my peers to help me see that there is positivity around me, even when it felt like things weren’t going my way.

While it felt strange and wrong at first taking up less assignments this year to focus on being the best editor I could be, trading my restless nights to give my body some grace and quitting energy drinks after they rotted my teeth, I can confidently say that I’m much happier.

I’ve accomplished so much this year and I did it all for me. 

This year, I won prom queen and Texas Journalist of the Year second runner-up, but my biggest accomplishment is that I am learning to love myself again.

Follow @CHSCampusNews and @LizzieDeSanti_ on X.