From the playgrounds of elementary schools to the Coppell High School Commons, one thing has become painfully clear to me: school culture struggles heavily with the idea of genuine friendship between different genders.
Arbitrarily, it seems decided that if a guy and girl talk, or heaven forbid, are close friends, it must mean there is something romantic.
I have always had a mix of girl and guy friends since childhood. That balance has never felt strange to me, nor is it an intentional choice; it just reflects who I happen to click with. But through my years in school, the amount of times I have heard sly comments, teasing questions and plain accusations that there must be something going on with one of them is too much to count.
Worse, people sometimes draw unfounded conclusions about me or my friends’ sexuality, acting as if the only explanation for platonic friendship is that one of us is not straight. This kind of thinking manifests itself in ways that we do not think twice about, affecting more than me.
On the first day of school, even if no one knows each other, the tables usually end up all-girl or all-boy. I know many guys at CHS who, although not intentionally, limit their friend groups to almost entirely other guys, never making an effort to talk to people who they have already decided aren’t potential for connection.
This ties into a deeper issue with gender and connection. Too many people are raised to see the other gender only as romantic interests, not as human beings who could be lifelong friends.
Think back to every animated kids movie with a gratuitous love story thrown into the main plot. In elementary school, the dreaded “Sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G” was the end-all to a boy and girl simply talking. People are raised by parents or influenced by shows and movies to think boys and girls cannot “just be friends.” But that belief shuts off half of the world’s population as potential companions. Four billion candidates for lifelong friends, eliminated for no reason. Imagine how many great friendships never came to be just because it was never considered an option.
My grandfather told me as a child, “The people you surround yourself with define who you are.” Surround yourself with others who you know are good, caring people, the ones who you know will have your back when you need them to, and bring out the best parts of you. Those people are not found from a 50/50 coin flip, they are found through getting to know others regardless of their gender, and choosing to keep them around.
The people I am lucky enough to call my best friends are that because I love them for who they are. The content of their character, the time I spend with them, the values they hold, that is why I care about them. Not their gender.
I don’t care. Why should you?
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