By Ashley Attanucci
Staff Writer

Farts, toots, gas… They are unpredictable and smelly happenings of the human body, not to forget embarrassing. But I was surprised when I saw these quick fixes on-line:

Patented as “Subtle Butt”, this piece of cloth adheres perfectly in your pants and will help neutralize the horrific odor of the world’s bean burrito lovers. These filters, enhanced with antimicrobial treatment and activated carbon, are marketed as “saving graces”, I suppose for both the culprit and the victim(s).

And when I googled “flatulence”, I found The Better Marriage Blanket, “as seen on TV” (though I have never heard of such a thing before). This blanket is made with a layer of activated carbon fabric, and its satisfaction is guaranteed. The Better Marriage Blanket, which comes in twin-, queen-, or king-size, has an “almost unlimited capacity” for holding fart molecules, but users are asked to “refresh” their blanket in either the dryer or the sun.

Check out the websites hyperlinked, and you are sure to find a good laugh (and maybe a birthday present for a gassy friend).