A future for myself: Taking control of what’s next

I do not think I am a selfish person. At least I don’t want to be. Constantly battling with myself over what I want, what others need and what I am willing to do to please everyone.


But I am human and I cannot do everything.


From doubt and rejection to hope and redemption, I have never seen my life take so many left turns before. But four left turns make a circle and my continued attitude to let each feat stay with me has held me back for far too long. In a year from now, I’ll hopefully be admitted into my dream college, have an amazing support system and a family that is still behind me every step of the way.


It would be a shame if I was the only person holding me back. It seems to be the right time to not focus on things that could hurt me but the things that I want to do that can help me.


At an age where we are encouraged to be ourselves and become ourselves, wearing blinders and holding grudges against people will not let you go anywhere.


Among the things I have learned in my high school experience so far, including the Pythagorean Theorem, I have to be honest and forgiving with myself if I want to succeed, and have peace of mind.


I have had to accept that you will become a different version of yourself if you only try to impress the people who reject you; you will not really know who you are. You will learn that even your role models will let you down but it is okay to become your own.


Relationships, school work and your parents will all push you to your limits but curling into a ball and hiding away never solves the problem, as much as you might want it to.


As much as I hate to say this, and as corny as it is, life is truly what you make it, and after three years in high school I think I am ready to start making it mine. Starting over is never easy but the point of it is so you can stop running from your demons, and try to accept that they are not even there anymore.


A year from now, I will legally be considered an adult and be faced with decisions that affect myself, my family and my future. It is never too early to start planning but at times I wish it would all slow down. But never stop.


Being stuck as a 17 year old junior who spends her weekends napping and working at a doggy day care would be hard to stay fulfilling after a while.


Moving forward with whatever path life takes me, I do not think I have ever been more determined to have an open mind and do whatever I think is right for me. Whether that means asking for help or getting some people angry. In a time where it is OK to be selfish, I think I will be.