Coppell Observer is a humorous column about life as a teenager. Please be warned that any and all sass is due to the writers’ similar situation as teenagers (even though we feel so much older). You, the reader, should not take any of these words seriously. Seriously. If this article makes you laugh, leave a comment.

Life is full of stress. It starts in school with tests, homework and getting into a good college. But it really does not stop after graduation. Finding a job and supporting a family become very real concerns.

If only there was a way to just drown out all the materialistic worries of this world… or is there?

Apple’s AirPods launched in December 2016 as a wireless alternative to earbuds. And at a hefty $159, AirPods were mainly for the wealthy – the trust fund babies and elite businessmen.

However, as people came to their senses and the culture began to shift, the popularity of the once ridiculous Apple Q-tips grew immensely. It became more than just a luxury item – it became a symbol that blatantly told the world of one’s affluence.

In fact, in a completely unbiased opinion, AirPods have single-handedly caused global classism to persist.

AirPods are not just earbuds. Any sane AirPod user would have scoffed at that last sentence. AirPods are a magical product developed by the best technology developer in existence.

If you were to encounter a soul lucky enough to own a pair, you might hear common phrases such as, “oh, you were talking? I had my AirPods in” or the less subtle, “sorry, I don’t speak poor.”

It is unknown whether AirPods actually block out sound or if the owners of them simply choose not to speak to any of the outsiders.

To put it simply, the world has been separated into two groups: those with AirPods and the impoverished. If only the more fortunate population would donate just a song or two to the rest of them. Make the world a better place, one rich pod at a time.

However, instead of bettering humanity, AirPod users continue to drown out the world and just focus on their music.

Nonetheless, there are benefits to having AirPods. For example, they are great for running (and yes, they stay in), and you do not have to worry about anything getting tangled up. This is not a bash on AirPods themselves, this is simply an analysis of the boasted culture behind them.

AirPods are not the first hyped-up headphone to sweep the market. Remember the whole Beats By Dre epidemic? To this day it is befuddling as to why so many people purchased those over other brands.

But Apple has long surpassed Dr. Dre in popularity. It has created such a subculture behind it that one can get reprimanded for wearing AirPods in the hallway.

The day will come when the AirPod users will rise up and wage war upon all the broke people of the world. Do not say that day will come without warning, because it is closer than one might think.

With all that being said, I have AirPods, and I use them every day.