Coppell Observer is a humorous weekly column about life as a teenager. Please be warned that any and all sass is due to the writers’ similar situation as teenagers (even though we feel so much older). You, the reader, should not take any of these words seriously. Seriously. If this article makes you laugh, leave a comment.

As a Coppell High School student, you cannot go a day without hearing someone bash our school – the inhumanely disgusting cafeteria food, appallingly crowded parent loop and wickedly stressful classes are only a portion of the unforgivable abuses CHS condemns us to.

Of course, it’s not enough that our cafeteria offers a multitude of various foods each day, or that the C-store is full of widely-loved snacks and beverages. Who could possibly be satisfied with that? Definitely not us privileged Coppell children. We expect five-star cuisine at our fingertips everyday, and waiters to deliver it to our tables so we don’t have to hurt our precious legs standing in line.

Exemptions and retesting could never balance out the pure torture CHS classes put us through. Yeah, it’s true students in other schools don’t ever get even one exemption, but obviously we still have the right to complain about not getting exempt from every single exam. We’re special.

Why does CHS think retesting up to only an 80 percent is fine? We should be able to retest to a 200 percent! Don’t they know how stressed we are? Even if a bunch of other districts don’t have retesting at all, we’re still more stressed than any other students in any other school.

IB, GT, blended-style and dual credit classes all provide unique learning styles most other students across the nation do not get offered, but why would that mean CHS isn’t a terrible school? The plethora of opportunities this school grants us is nothing to be grateful for.

Instead of mentioning the wonderfully large size of our student parking lot compared to other schools’ lots, we should all make a fuss about how crowded the area is when we’re trying to drive home after school. Forget the kids who can’t afford a car and have to ride the noisy, stuffed bus for an hour before reaching their house. Forget the less-fortunate schools in there areas that don’t even have space for student parking. We need to be home in time to procrastinate by binging Netflix, before proceeding to complain about the ruthless load of homework CHS punishes us with.

To sum it up, CHS is the most atrociously abhorrent place to be on this entire planet. No one has it worse than CHS students.