By Alex Nicoll

Staff Writer

“Guys are oblivious.”

When one of my female friends was venting to me about how a guy she had a crush on never noticed the “signs” she gave, I took offense to it. I thought to myself, “Not all guys are that incompetent. We are smarter than girls give us credit for.” I told her this, and all I got back was a sarcastic smirk that seemed to say, “Oh you poor, ignorant boy.”

Then I realized she was right.

Guys are truly unaware of how they affect girls. What they do, or more importantly, what they do not do, has  a much greater impact  on girls than most boys realize.

Growing up with an older sister, I was exposed to the female feelings, insights and incidents that most boys are not privileged, or sometimes cursed, to see. I have seen first-hand how the things guys say impact girls. There were nights that I walked into my house and just walk over to her and hold her while she cried into my shoulder about the guy who just broke up with her or the guy who led her on and then gave her the cold shoulder.

We guys are misleading, we are confusing, we are oblivious and we need to learn what we are doing  that makes girls feel insignificant or unworthy.

Now I am not saying all girls feel like this. I know many girls personally that are very independent and do not rely on anyone or anything to determine their self-worth. In fact, a majority of girls that go through these tough trials come out stronger and self-reliant.

Not all girls are as strong as this however.

It is difficult to actually know  how the things we boys say and do affect girls. I get it. Boys have more influence on girls than we realize.

I always presumed that girls control guys since they are the ones that refuse dates, break a guy’s self-confidence and reject any advances at all. However, while those are  sound and true, we have an even more significant impact than we realize.

Girls can only reject guys if we ask them out. Girls can only hurt us if we put ourselves out there. Girls can only refuse us if we show interest in them. Girls usually have to wait for us to instigate any type of interaction.

Realizing this, I hope, will change how some of you boys treat girls.

Now for a few common mistakes that can alter a girl’s self-worth:

1.    Be careful of what you say, especially when it comes to appearance

Any comment you make can be and is usually analyzed by girls. Even the simplest thing as just commenting on what clothes you like on a girl can change how girls dress. If a girl likes you, they will usually want to be with you and if you say something that makes them think you will view them as more attractive to you, most will change to fit that. No girl should ever change themselves for a guy.

2.    Do not lead girls on

Flirting is the definition of a double-edge sword. It can be a sweet way to let a girl know you are interested in them or it can string a girl along with no plan to follow through with your projected intentions. One of the worst things you can do is make a girl feel like she means more to you than she does. Do not lie to a girl and say she is special when you do not mean it. And there is no such thing as “harmless flirting.”  No matter how much you all say you do not care, in the end one of you will develop feelings for the other. I have learned this the hard way.  When I was a sophomore there was this one girl who liked me, and even though I had feelings for them, they were not strong enough to have a relationship with this girl but I led her to believe they were. When she found out how I truly felt,she would not talk to me for awhile and that hurt me. I felt like the biggest jerk on the planet. Leading girls on is childish, disrespectful and just cowardly.

3.    Not being honest

If you do not like a girl and they seem interested, just tell them straight up how you feel. Anybody would rather know the truth then hold onto a lost hope, simple as that. Now do not be insensitive and come right and say “I do not like you”. You should still respect girls feelings. Try saying “I do not feel the same way about you as you do with me”.

4.    Do not take advantage of girls

There are guys that know they are attractive to girls, either physically or personally, and those who know that they are not. You know which category you fall into. Either way do not use  your “persuasion” to get stuff from girls, whether it be materialistic or emotional: this is just cruel. For instance do not just flirt with a girl so that they are more willing help you on homework.

5.    Immaturity is the bane of the male youth

As guys, we are susceptible to saying and doing things before we think them through. This will be our downfall. The moniker, “All guys are the same” seems to apply to high school boys only. A majority of us are not ready to be in a committed relationship. We are just looking for a fun fling or a girl to hold us over until we see someone prettier. Picking girls based on this criteria will make others feel undesirable. Even if they do not like you, girls will see themselves as unattractive because you did not even look interested in them. It is not just physical. Girls compare personalities and look towards the media and Hollywood  to be the “dream” girl you want. Once again, no girl should ever change themselves for a guy. Being immature equates to being shallow, which in turn affects how girls look at themselves and how they feel. Actions speak louder than words. Saying, “Oh, I think you are beautiful” to every girl you talk to may be a nice sentiment in thought, but is hollow in reality. When girls see you playing other girls, everything you do loses its seriousness.

These suggestions  cover only a small fraction of what  guys can do to help raise a female’s self worth (or at least not crush it). But this is a two-way street.

There are many times that we, as males, honestly do not do anything wrong and the “foul” or misunderstanding is completely the girl’s doing. So girls, please do not confuse flirting with being nice. High school guys are usually cast as the callous, unemotional villain in relationships, with good reason, but we are capable of sincerity.  Also, please do not over analyze everything we say. Not everything should be taken to heart and picked apart word by word.

A guy’s  actions can harden girls, make them guarded, make them angry at the world and make them feel less than what they really are. It is horrible what we do.

Now I am not attacking the male gender. There are those who do not do anything I listed above, and I applaud you. Honestly, I do. You are the silver lining to storm cloud .

Trust me when I say I am guilty of everything on this list and have paid the consequences. I have hurt those close to me. I have neglected to see that how I have acted has upset girls. It is one part of my personality that I want to change. I still have a difficult time understanding why so many girls let this keep happening to them and I hope one day I will learn.

Meanwhile, girls face so many pressures  from media and other girls that our input is not necessary and can be easily avoided, so why should we add onto their burden?

Being aware of how girls act around you can be a chance to boost their self-esteem. If a girl acts differently around you than she does other guys, there is a strong chance she is attracted to you. Do not say, “Oh, I thought she acted that way with every boy!” If she talks to you constantly,  she probably is interested in you. If she tries to sit next to you on the bus or join your group for projects, yep you guessed it, she more than likely has feelings for you.

This is a call to action be the guy that girls can rely on to be honest and be conscious of what you do and how girls treat you. Personally, I would just like to apologize for my actions and for the actions of every guy that has ever hurt a girl. Girls are not perfect, but most of the time they deserve better than what we give.

Guys, this is the honest truth.