By Jena Seidemann
Staff Writer

Chivalry is not dead. However, more independent women have stepped up and have replaced it, making chivalry less prominent in society. I have always believed that instead of waiting for a prince in shining armor to change your life, you should change it yourself.

Traditional girls still want a guy to open a door, be chivalrous and provide for them. In this day and age where gender roles are becoming more blurred, it doesn’t really fit. Expect respect, but not the medieval code of knighthood because you might be let down.

The same traditional women also expect men to pay for dinner when they go out. It is one thing if you offer to pay and the guy declines and takes care of the check by choice, but it is an entirely different thing if a girl just expects the guy to take care of the bill and consequently, all of her needs.

Last year, during a SPUR Wednesday, many of the girls along with almost all of the men moved to the “strongly agree” corner when asked if women and men should both pay their own dinner check. This made my heart soar because not only did girls understand the changing gender roles, but the guys embraced it too.

I do not want to seem like I do not appreciate men holding doors open for me because I absolutely love it. It is the sweetest thing, but I don’t expect you to do it because I can do it myself.

I have wondered if a girl expects a man to open up a door for her, a very simple task, then does she expect him to take care of her every other larger need? I understand the roles of men and women in the previous centuries where women had no power and whatnot, but this is the 21st century. Times have changed.

I knew a girl who was taught by her father that if a guy did not open the car door for her, she should not get into the car. First, I wanted to cry myself to sleep because this attitude is a huge disadvantage to her. You are wasting your time waiting for others to be your servant, so please stop.

Second, I wanted to throw myself into a brick wall out of frustration because a father was telling his daughter to judge people by one action and expect something that may not ever happen in reality, thus setting her expectations too high. The little things are just the cherry on top. Respect is the bottom line, the ice cream of the sundae.

My philosophy is every relationship, regardless of what gender it is with, should be equal parts. One person cannot carry the relationship. Everyone must contribute. Men will not carry you through life, ladies, and you should not carry men through life either. One of my friends threw out a good point when it came to opening a door: if you are there first, regardless of gender, you open the door.

I have also heard some girls say that they just want to get married, have kids and have their husband bring home the bacon. Again, I wanted to cry. Yes, they can choose what they want, but at the same time, they are made for so much more than reproducing. Am I saying you cannot be a mother? No, go for it, but please don’t just be that. Women in the pre-suffrage era would kill to have our opportunity to make a life for ourselves and not rely on a man.

I urge all women and girls out there to take advantage of the privileges the 21st century has given women. Make a life for yourself and set up a strong foundation for success instead of relying on another person. This way, in the long run, if your husband or partner leaves or passes away, you have a way to provide for yourself. Respect is the foundation of a relationship, not subservience. I want everyone to be able to thrive without relying fully on others. Have the ability to be your own knight in shining armor.