Students’ voices settle down as teachers call attention to begin class. With smiles on their faces and students ready for the day, each lesson feels like a perfect give-and-take of content and questions.

This, of course, is not reality.

In too many classrooms, teachers and students have unspoken differences. Many of them struggle with the idea of putting in effort to truly connect with one another.

I work with young kids and years of tutoring them have taught me the most important lesson I can bring to the table: connection is the foundation of learning. Connection is not only the foundation of learning; it is the foundation of most, if not every, interaction you can have in your life.

One of my favorite moments working with children is when they stop midway through a math problem, look at me and tell me all about their day. They tell me they won their second grade spelling bee, and rather than shutting down the seemingly unnecessary conversation to redirect them back to their work as many of my coworkers do, I respond.

I say, “That is so great!” or “What words did you have to spell?,” or “Was it fun?” I say this because a 7-year-old child just wants to tell me all about his day to have some form of connection and not be continuously forced to learn the rules of multiplication.

Think about your favorite teacher. Now, think about whether or not you spoke to this teacher daily or instead, just sat in the back of the room zoning out of lessons. I cannot speak for everyone, but in my experience, it is the teachers who ask about my day, the ones who help me with my work, and the ones who care.

I go into my least favorite period and begin to wonder how some teachers still do not know the names of their students, even in January, halfway through the school year.

Now, all this can be said, but students are in the classroom, too. Remember it goes both ways.

Connection is not and never was a one-sided effort. We all have classes where kids are sleeping in the back, on their devices, zoned out or talking to their friends while the teachers are teaching. This may even be us, and as much fun as all of these activities can be, it is also the reason we dislike the classes we go to.

If students make the effort to pay attention in class and do the work provided while asking for help when they need it, that in itself would result in a dramatic change in the classroom’s atmosphere. Many students might be tempted to say “Who cares?” to these changes, but it’s caring that makes the difference.

Being respectful and kind, and even asking a teacher about their day or weekend can truly make them feel seen. After all, that is all anyone wants to be.

At the end of the day, teachers and students are all the same. The same respect that would make a student happy is what would make a teacher happy. At the end of the day, we’ve all been kids, and in some ways, we’ll always be kids with the most fundamental need for connection.

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