Trust, one of the fundamental values in a relationship.
But what if you don’t trust yourself?
My mom often looks me in the eye and tells me, “I don’t know why you don’t believe in yourself.”
I wish I could give her an answer, but I do not have one myself. Sometimes, I wish she would stop asking. I want to trust myself, but there are many days where a voice in my head says, “You can’t do this. If you try, you will fail, if you fail, you will never go to college and if you don’t go to college…”
It is a vicious cycle, one that I find myself trapped in too many times. I have a lack of self-confidence in my abilities, and it holds me back. I feel like I have built a wall around myself, closing me off from challenges. I was deluded into thinking it would protect me, but self-doubt is dangerous. It can hinder the pursuit of a higher education, causing more stress in daily life.
As I complete course requests for each academic year, I hesitate, because all I can think about is how hard a class might be and how I might fail. I have talked myself out of taking certain classes because I already believed that I would fail, and my future would be ruined.
In other words, I would crash and burn.
Those were countless learning opportunities lost. Learning should be about pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. When I convinced myself that I was not “smart” enough to take AP World History, a subject that might have genuinely interested me, I lost the chance to truly challenge myself to gain knowledge about something I would want to learn.
When I decided to take U.S. History as a dual credit course over the summer, I was stressed. The week before, I was a mess of anxiety. I was so fixated on the bad things that would happen, I lost sight of the benefits.
I remember thinking, “I want to do this. I want this experience.”
To my surprise, I have zero regrets about the class. I learned many skills preparing me for my future, both in and out of academics: time management, the format of a college class and how to professionally communicate. I would not know any of this if I dropped out.
Little by little, I am chiseling away at the walls I built around myself.
I am a part of The Sidekick, taking classes that I originally wanted to turn away from and am starting to speak up.
I am coming to terms with feeling comfortable not knowing and making mistakes. It is OK to crash and burn sometimes, because these are learning moments.
It is a slow process. I still hesitate when I am told to do something unfamiliar. My brain still jumps to the worst possible outcome. Yet I push through, because I know it is for the better.
Failure is normal and is bound to happen, so do not be afraid of it. Think about how you will grow as a person and the new skills you will learn by taking initiative to push yourself. Learning is much more valuable than one bad grade or unfavorable moment, so take the leap.
Break your barriers.
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