Throughout my life, I’ve noticed a pattern in the media I consume.
There’s a girl, and she meets a guy. Then, the girl shares a part of her personality he had never noticed, and boom, somehow they are in love. Or, the girl has always been different than other girls around her and the boy realizes he cannot lose this ‘once-in-a-lifetime’ person.
Something has begun to stick out to me as I watch these tropes play out in movies such as Grease and Pretty in Pink. The girls in these movies always have to go through something, lose friends or change themselves, in order to be of interest to the lead.
Why is it that as women we always feel like we must separate ourselves from the crowd to be noticed?
For me, it all comes back to the idea of being “not like other girls,” a trope seen in all areas of media.
The term “not like other girls” became popular in the 2010s, as books such as Looking For Alaska and Twilight, and songs like “You Belong With Me” by Taylor Swift impacted teen culture.
The judgment and hate of other women within these works is often painted as justified because the protagonist is somehow better than the girls she dislikes. We root for her, and for some reason, that means we cannot like any women playing opposite her. Why do we celebrate the shaming of other women in these instances, simply because they follow the crowd?
This goes back to the fact feminism, like many social concepts, has lost its original meaning as it continues to be used for attention or revenue, rather than to create change. At its core, feminism is about the search for equal rights and respect for women. Unfortunately, with the growth of feminist discussion across platforms to promote products or increase interaction, it is being used as an excuse to put down other women or their lifestyles.
Celebrities or influencers, who do not attempt to be different or rebel against the female norm, often get unnecessary hate from women. Take actress Sydney Sweeney, best known for her roles in productions such as “Euphoria” and Anyone but You.
The hate Sweeney receives online from girls, simply because of her looks or the way she is casted as an actress, is uncalled for. Just because she chooses to embrace a more classic form of femininity, does not mean she should be brought down for it. The same goes for women choosing to become wives and mothers at a young age or live more modest lifestyles, who usually get condescending pity online, as if they are not grown women. As long as they are not bringing down others, who cares if they choose to embrace traditional values?
Being like other girls is admirable. Too often, women try to one-up each other in order to stand out, and for what? To be seen as more valuable and be more satisfied with ourselves? I have found true satisfaction comes from unity, especially with the women around me, not isolation. As social media continues to shove the idea of being whatever type of niche girl trending that week down our throats, we continue to see other women as competition, rather than companions.
While it takes confidence to live your life the way you want, it takes true character to find happiness in who you are, rather than being the version you believe others will like best. Many women in our society, including myself, struggle with the idea that if there isn’t something unique about us, we hold less importance.
Women should be allowed to make their own decisions about how they live their lives and present themselves, regardless of how that makes them fit into our society.
After all, isn’t the original purpose of the feminist movement, for women to choose for themselves who they want to be?
Follow Marli (@marli_field) and @CHSCampusNews on X.
