Rebecca Neumann
Entertainment Editor

If you think football is a silly game you obviously were not born and raised in Texas. For us Texans, it is not a sport: it is a religion. It combines the brutality of a gladiator with the artistry and finesse of a ballerina. If you are a person—most likely a girl—who is lost in the football madness, then maybe this advice will help you survive the next several months of football season.

Let’s start with the simple stuff. First off, the object of the game is to end with more points than the opposing team. This might seem condescending to some of you, but there are plenty of sports where this is not the case (golf, for instance.)

There are several ways to score points. The best way is to score a touchdown, or break the plane of the end zone with the football. This gives the respective team six points (an optional kick at the field goal after a touchdown gives the team an extra point and makes seven). Another way to score is to kick a field goal, which earns three points. A team can also score on a safety, which is two points, though it is usually accidental and too rare for me to explain fully.

Teams play on offense and defense- think of the soccer games you played when you were little. The people who scored the goals are offense players and the defense protects the goal from the other team’s offense. It’s the same in football, except that the offense and defense are on the field at different times during the game.

The next thing to do would be to become familiar with the different players and their positions. Unfortunately, the list is so extensive that it would be difficult to describe them all here. However, the big positions to know would be the quarterback, who throws the ball, the wide receiver, who catches the ball, and the running back, who runs with the ball. These players are not necessarily more important than the others on the team, but their stats are more recognizable, making the players are more renowned.

If you really want to impress someone with your newfound football knowledge, you should learn about penalties. In football, every time a yellow flag is thrown by the referee, it means that someone has done something wrong. If someone on the offense flinches before the play starts, the foul is called a “false start”.

If the defense moves before the offense starts the play, the penalty is called “off sides”. And whenever someone is returning a kick and they run all the way up the middle to a touchdown, it is usually because someone is holding a player or blocking them illegally, so don’t be surprised if the touchdown is called back and not counted.

That’s enough trivia, because football isn’t just about facts: it’s a feeling, too. There is nothing quite like rooting for a team that defeats its rival in overtime and having the fans rush the field in a frenzy of triumph. If you attended the Coppell game against Southlake in 2008, you know what I’m talking about.

The most important thing to realize about football is that it’s not just a game. It can bring people together and play an important part in the community. Without it, what would we all do with our Friday nights?