Fashion made for the unfashionable

By Ellen Cameron
Staff Writer
During her last class period at CHS

In the sixth grade, I made a joking remark that one day I would rule the world. Except sixth graders apparently don’t understand jokes—or, worse, my jokes—so I was labeled as the girl who wanted to take over the world.

That epithet stuck.

So, six years later, I’m still known as the girl who wants to take over the world. Just to set the record straight, I don’t. However, if I did, I would make some major fashion changes that probably wouldn’t look very good (not that fashion of the ‘80s looked notoriously great anyway) and call it fashion for the unfashionable. Or the lazy.

Shoulder pads

Shoulder pads make people look weird. However, they make everyone look about the same amount of weird, because you can easily add on to shoulders, but the opposite doesn’t hold true. Shoulder pads are like the communists of fashion, in that they make everyone equal, and therefore would make everyone happy. Especially me, with my self-consciousness of my own broad shoulders.

Nike shorts

Nike shorts shouldn’t be fashionable; they don’t cover you up when it’s cold, which is an important consideration in this school, where some students have to take desperate measures to combat hypothermia. Senior Sarah Omar keeps a snuggie in her history class, for one.

Besides, they only look good on certain people. Aka, people who don’t have thunder-thighs. Aka, people who aren’t me.

Au Naturale make-up

As a general rule, make up does not need to be excessive anyway, unless you’re going for the ever-popular harlequin look. However, I think we should take it one step further: no make-up at all. Because then girls get to sleep in an extra five to 15 minutes in the morning, save money, and reduce animal testing on superfluous products. Plus, if women no longer felt compelled to wear make-up, there would be no more incidents of trying to apply mascara while driving, and thus and crashing.

 Harry Potter paraphenelia

When I see people wearing shirts with Harry Potter references, it makes me happy, and my happiness as a function of Harry Potter shirts is one of no decreasing marginal utility. Plus, unlike black Twilight shirts, Harry Potter shirts come in an array of colors. And sometimes say funny things. And sometimes show Robert Pattinson when he wasn’t absolutely disgusting.

And yes, this is highly personal. Can I help it if I love Harry Potter, though?

Photograhpic by Ellen Cameron